I was surfing the web today and saw that distributors are once again releasing the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on Blu-Ray. Yum. However, my sensation of joy was immediately replaced by utter confusion when I saw this:
Wait a sec, hold on. There's already an extended cut of LOTR on VHS and DVD, and I had assumed that this new release was the extended cut for Blu-Ray. But what exactly is the "limited" cut? Is this version missing some scenes? Was Orlando Bloom digitally removed from the film altogether? It clearly says that this version of LOTR is both "limited" and "extended". How is this possible? How can it be both? Since this news was on the internet (and must therefore be true) I sat in front of my computer for six hours trying to better understand the possibility of these dual opposites existing in yet one form (like a hermaphrodite). Readers, I must admit that I had my sweaty finger on my mouse ready to purchase this item, but my proficiency in middle school algebra saved me from completely depleting my life savings. If we start with the original version of LOTR being assigned a "0", this all begins to make sense.
1.) The numeric value of the Theatrical Version of LOTR = 0
2.) The numeric value of LOTR Extended cut = +1
3.) The numeric value of the LOTR Limited cut = -1
4.) Therefore: the value of LOTR Limited Extended cut:
= (+1) + (-1)
= 0
5.) Thus the Theatrical Version of LOTR = the Limited Extended cut of LOTR.
WINNING! Gotcha Peter Jackson! I now realize that if I were stupid enough to buy the limited extended edition, I'd be getting the exact same thing as the theatrical version I saw 17 times at the cinema. Nice try, but you can't put one over on me, PJ. I'm saving my money for the "Extended, limited, but still extended" cut.
You see dude, this limited extended edition is a genetic chimera, not unlike the organism called Dren in the movie Splice. It can spontaneously shift from being a limited cut to an extended cut, as some amphibious species can change genders. So, if you bought this boxed set, you would finally be able to see the truly complete cut of LotR, with even Tom Bombadil and the Scourging of the Shire in glorious 1080p. But then, the following night, the boxed set would rape you.
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