Five Television Shows to Watch in 2011

Long time no see, Readers.

Having been inspired by my expose on television's recent assault on viewers, I have decided not to leave you in a state of comatose-like depression created by aforementioned assault, but instead attempt to lift your spirits by suggesting five excellent shows. Perhaps this will leave you feeling somewhat more positive about the creativity, art, and orgiastic amounts of money-making that is the entertainment industry.  I want you all to know that there is more to television than the following:

Hell Date, BET., Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?, FOX., Minute to Win It, NBC...All quality programming.  

   Without further ado, I bring to you the messiahs of television 2011:

1.)  Breaking Bad, AMC - Last week I saw a car accident.  It was a wreck so uncompromisingly glorious that I nearly crashed my own vehicle while rubbernecking.  Breaking Bad is television's glorious car wreck; a show so tense your buttcheeks will clench together in glee and exuberant horror as you watch.  Veteran actor Bryan Cranston is Walter White, a terminally ill, middle-aged, high-school chemistry teacher who turns to cooking meth to provide for his family.  The resulting tale is a white-hot descent into a moral maelstrom as Walter's deal with the devil causes all hell to break loose.




2.)  Mad Men, AMC - I love watching rich white men do whatever the f@ck they want, whenever they want, to whomever they please.  I enjoy it much more when it's set in the 1960s and the main character is a brooding, yet dashing, alcoholic.  Just when you think Jon Hamm's turn as the liquor guzzling, testosterone sweating, ad man Don Draper is enough excitement for one day, Mad Men turns it up a notch with a fine supporting cast that keeps the ball rolling.  The series continues to be an excellent insight into a number of critical social issues including civil rights, the women's movement, Vietnam, and changing social mores all seen through the eyes of the richest, classiest badass in New York who is far more concerned with the style of his cufflinks and making everyone else his bitch.  So tune in to Mad Men, and watch as Don Draper obliviously drinks and f@cks his way to happiness while the cultural shift of the 1960s roars across the U.S.

3.)  It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, FX - In case you need time to let your awe inspired boner subside after watching Breaking Bad or Mad Men, check out FX's breakout comedy It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  The show follows the supernaturally insane antics of five friends, "the gang", who own a bar in Philly.  When not getting pregnant, kidnapping families, or naming their cat Jack Bauer, the gang puts on local theater productions for the community.  The Nightman Cometh, anyone?

4.)  Parks and Recreation, NBC - I have to give credit to NBC for greenlighting a show focusing on the banalities of local government in the fictional city of Pawnee, Indiana.  Parks and Rec features Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope, an effervescent government official dedicated to making local government work for the people.  The mockumentary style comedy is given a superstar boost from the likes of funnygod Aziz Ansari, and one of the greatest television characters ever, Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson (above).  Don't you wanna make love to that moustache?

Not your momma's Spartacus. 

5.)  Spartacus: Blood and Sand, Starz - Spartacus: Blood and Sand makes no apologies for being what it is: the most violent porno ever filmed.  When Spartacus isn't flashing sweat-glistening titties or flaunting graphic depictions of wild, lights-on, no-lube cheetah-style sex, it's saturating the audience with gore unlimited.  I kid you not, there is at least one decapitation, blood spray, or f@ck session per episode; sometimes these elements are combined into the same scene.  My nephew, Jayquan, loves the show.  He's five.  So if you're up for mindless violence with the intrigue of a soap opera and actual character development, be sure to check out the only show that boasts gallons of blood equal to the amount of hate mail Lebron receives from Cleveland.

As this is a Top 5 list, there will obviously be some shows left out of the running.  Leave a message if there's a show you think deserves a lil' lovin' from the Panda community.  More than likely it's a shitty show, but seriously, give it a shot.