Thursday, December 2, 2010

5 reasons USA did not host the World Cup of Soccer

Hello Readers,

As you may know by now, this plentiful country of ours will not be hosting the 2022 FiFA soccer (or futbol as it is called in other places that dont speak English) world cup. While running my daily 3k this morning, I was racking my brain as to why we, as a country, would be slighted in such a public manner. My mind, racing with endorphins, was only able to come up with 5 logical reasons:

1. America loves to race cars, especially out in the mid-south-west, but cannot necessarily get behind people kicking a ball down a field. It is obvious that the internation footballer community does not approve of this discrepancy.

2. We have our own version of football, and it does not entail the use of "off-sides" and is so technologically advanced that it incorporates instant video replays. This alone makes the need for us to host another "football" super bowl championship moot.

3. Our soccer players are not as scandalous as those from say, England or France, thus most people are unaware that we actually have professional soccer players. In order to garner the appropriate amount of soccer- related hysteria, the US Soccer team needs to slut it up.

4. Compared to other nations, our soccer announcers always sound like they are in desperate need of a '5 hour energy.'

5. Everyone is just jealous that we have a great economy and efficient, democratic government. Suck it, world!

Smile, because you never know who is looking!

1 comment:

  1. That last picture is amazing. It's just sad that we'll never know about the deranged events that undoubtedly transpired around it.