Reason 1. No naked Angelina Jolie. This movie is rated PG-13, thus there will be a distinct lack of Jolie tatties.
|Reason 2. Johnny Depp's beard. Have you seen that shit?!? It's the saddest, most lonesome beard in world history, IMO (right up there with Michael Moore's ugly scruff.) It's a tragedy to think that Depp borrows beards from homeless men. Shame, Johnny, shame.|
Reason 3. This movie is set in Italy: Name one good movie set in Italy! OH WAIT THAT'S RIGHT YOU CAN'T. I rest my f@#king case. I f@#king rest it.
Reason 4. Blurry and Confused Paul Bettany. Need I say more?
|"I feel...blurry today, Marcia."|
Reason 5. I just spent my ticket money on 10 bags worth of snickers bars. King size.