Wednesday, December 29, 2010

How to Start the New Year in Style

Hello readers,

Once again, The new year is upon us (Or as I like to call it, "That time of year when we decide to better ourselves but forget because we were drunk").  While New Year's should be a time of great mirth and merriment, many folk go apeshit and become miserable with the whole New Year's resolution deal.  In some cases, people go too far and the results are tragic.

Instead of working yourself into a frenzied panic over choosing, and completing, a New Year's resolution, I encourage you all to find a more progressive, laid-back approach to your next 365 days on planet earth.  Here are a few pointers...

1.)  Make a resolution to not make a resolution.  In this way, you can do nothing and accomplish something at the same time. 

2.)  Don't use protection.  That's right, no protection of ANY type.  It's overrated anyways, and takes the fun out of everything.  Instead live life on your mutherfuckin' terms.  So fuck the sunscreen, fuck raincoats, and pass the Valtrex.  

3.)  Engage in selective mutism.  How awesome would life be if you didn't have answer people when they talked to you?  On a scale of 1 to 10, the awesomeness would be at infinity.

     Boss: "Well John, you're getting a raise."
     John: "That's great! Thank you sir!"
     Boss: "By the way, did you send in that invoice?"
     John: "..."

4.)  Get a Brazilian.  Why not?  The benefits are a'plenty for both genders.  Ladies, you can experience excruciating pain for personal grooming your boyfriend may or may not notice.  Guys, you can experience excruciating pain and tell your friends about your newly smooth genitalia.  

Love like you've never been hurt before...

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