According to my spidey senses, the eastern seaboard is being hit by the blizzard of 12/10. Since I stand in solidarity with my eastern readers, I wanted to share some knowledge passed onto me by the Inuit during my semester abroad in Alaska. The following are the top 5 ways to rid your sidewalk, driveway, and your nostrils of that infamous white powder.
1. Eat it! While this sounds too good to be true, the best way to get rid of the unwanted snow is to open a makeshift shaved ice stand. While your neighbors wait in line for your snowy goodness, simply pour kool-aid over your backyard and shovel in your earnings!
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| You never know who will show up! |
2. Stare it down! While I have been know to give some icy stares, some people have the uncanny ability to melt people's hearts and environment with their warm eyes. If you are one of these people, you should whore yourself out during these trying times and sculpt a beautiful ice garden for those nearest and dearest.
3. Take your snow somewhere else! Some people are unfortunate and never get to experience the great white way. If you simply take the snow to one of these places (Hawaii, Mexico, Wyoming), people are sure to treat you as a weather god.
4. Tarp it up! The hands down easiest way to keep snow off of your property is to make sure it never gets to your property. How can I manage this? Easy, just place a large weatherproof piece of fabric over your home and wait for the snow to come. Trust me, this is easy and safe, and will save you from some back breaking work!
5. Scoop it out! If the previous 4 methods fail (and trust me, they wont) you can resort to scooping it out with your shoes. You would preferably want to use a waterproof shoe, but flip flops work just as well. Shoes are this year's understated accessory, and its about time we pay more attention to that special article of clothing that doubles as a bowl, home for little people and toilet.
Thats all the knowledge I have today, but remember, do not lose the forest for the trees!
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